Bitterness.

Bitterness.

The dictionary describes it as, "resentful or cynical; causing pain; piercing; stinging; characterized by intense antagonism or hostility."

To break this down even further-

resentful means: "the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc. regarded as causing injury or insult."

cynical means: "distrusting or disparaging (to speak or treat slightingly, depreciate, belittle) the motives of others." 

antagonism means: "active hostility or opposition"

and hostility means: "not friendly, warm, or generous."

So, bitterness means: the feeling of displeasure at some act, remark, person; speaking or treating others slightingly (derogatory or belittling); active feelings that do not consist of being friendly, warm, or generous.

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For a second, I want to share a few quotes about bitterness. These quotes spoke to me-- actually, they spoke to me so much that I decided to make signs to hang up in my room about them. I struggle with bitterness--- and I'm sick of it.


"Bitterness and love cannot live together in the same heart. Each day, we must decide which one gets to stay." (Dave Willis)

"The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it." 

"We need to stop making what people did to us bigger than what Jesus did for us." (Christine Caine)

"Bitterness is a result of clinging to negative experiences. It serves you no good and closes the door to your future." (Leon Brown)

"I learned the hard way not to vent to others. Write it down. Throw it out. Tell God. Keep it to yourself."

"You either get bitter or you get better. It's that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you." (Josh Shipp)

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While surfing Pinterest, I also came across a GREAT blog about "8 Steps to Overcoming Bitterness." 

How many of you out there are struggling with bitterness right now? Towards a person? An event? God? I know I am (which is why I felt the pull to blog today!) Bitterness will eventually end up eating us alive--- it will tear our soul to pieces, destroy that beautiful heart God Almighty gave us. 

We often think we are justified in our bitterness. We want to punish the person that hurt us. And we will take that revenge in whatever way we can get it. Either by doing the same thing they did to us or by not speaking to them---- they are going to feel our hurt. That's the mindset we get when we let bitterness begin to take control.

However--- there are ways to overcome these feelings and ways to stop letting bitterness (and these kind of emotions) from taking control.

1. Trust God to use the situation for good. 

Romans 8:28 says, "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. These are the people God chose, because that was his plan."

Whatever the situation is or was.. we have to remember that we are the children of God Almighty and He will take that awful situation (whatever was done to you.. whatever was said to you) and turn it in to good FOR YOU. This requires trust-- not getting even, not seeking revenge. TRUST.

2. Put your hope in God ALONE. Do not put your hope in circumstances or earthly justice.

Psalms 62:1-5 states, "I must calm down and turn to God; only he can rescue me. He is my Rock, the only one who can save me. He is my high place of safety, where no army can defeat me. How long will you people attack me? Do you all want to kill me. I am like a leaning wall like a fence ready to fall. You want only to destroy me, to bring me down from my important position. It makes you happy to tell lies about me.  In public, you say nice things but in private, you curse me.Selah I must calm down and turn to God he is my only hope.

We must turn to God- He is our only hope. Only He can rescue us! Circumstances are going to fail us. People are going to fail us. He will not.

3. Focus on the GOOD in your life-- get away from the negative!

Philippians 4:8 states, "Brothers and sisters, continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected."


My former pastor used to say "get out of that stinkin' thinkin'!" And that is the truth. If we are constantly filling our minds with negativity- gossip, talking bad about others, discouraging music, etc-- that is going to be what flows out of our hearts and mouths. Fill your life with good things--- good conversations, good people, good movies, good TV shows, good music, good role models... 

4. When unproductive thoughts overtake you, pray for your offender. And if God prompts you to bless your offender in some tangible way, obey Him.

Romans 12:14, 17-21- "Wish only good for those who treat you badly. Ask God to bless them, not curse them. f someone does you wrong, don’t try to pay them back by hurting them. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. Do the best you can to live in peace with everyone. My friends, don’t try to punish anyone who does wrong to you. Wait for God to punish them with his anger. In the Scriptures the Lord say, “I am the one who punishes  I will pay people back.” But you should do this: “If you have enemies who are hungry, give them something to eat. If you have enemies who are thirsty, give them something to drink, In doing this you will make them feel ashamed. Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good."

God doesn't want you to be involved in the revenge game! It isn't healthy-- and only leads to more revenge, more bitterness... it only escalates. Let HIM handle the people who hurt you. You go on and pray for them- give them food if they're hungry- give them drink if they're thirsty. We are not called to pay evil, evil-- we are called to defeat evil WITH GOOD.

5. Refuse false blame from Satan.

 1 Peter 5:8-9: "Control yourselves and be careful! The devil is your enemy, and he goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to attack and eat. Refuse to follow the devil. Stand strong in your faith. You know that your brothers and sisters all over the world are having the same sufferings that you have." 

Just remember one thing: we are all humans! Do not fall into the tricks of the enemy. He wants nothing more than to stir up trouble and every single we give into that-- we are following along with his plan, not the plan of God! If there is confusion and chaos, remember: this isn't of God. 1 Corinthians 14:33 states, "God is not a God of confusion but a God of peace. This is the rule for all the meetings of God’s people." 

6. Listen carefully to God's conviction and genuinely repent of any sinful attitudes or actions you have, no matter how the small comparison to your offender. 

1 John 1:9- "But if we confess our sins, God will forgive us. We can trust God to do this. He always does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrong things we have done."

Confessing our sins and turning from that awful attitude is the only way to go. He can clean our hearts out and make us right in His sight. Even if we think what the other person did was SO much worse-- it doesn't excuse bad attitudes or sinful behavior on our part.

7. Release all bitterness by the power of God's Spirit because you cannot do it on your own. 

Ephesians 3:20-21- " With God’s power working in us, he can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of. 21 To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen." 

Philippians 4:13- "Christ is the one who gives me the strength I need to do whatever I must do."

We cannot overcome our human nature alone. It isn't possible. Emotions have such a pull on us. We can only overcome bitterness by turning over these emotions and subjecting them to His Holy Spirit. This is just saying things like, 'Jesus, I can't do this without You! Rid me of the evil within me, please! Rid me of the hurt. Wash me clean. Help me get this bitterness under control, Lord. It might have hurt me, but I know You can take any circumstance and work it out for my good!" Give it over to Him....

8. Remind yourself that you are doing these things because you love Christ and owe Him your life.

1 Corinthians 6:20 says, "God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body." 

Honor God with your body and your spirit. He blessed you with both which means he doesn't want unhealthy spirits present in your life. He doesn't want you filling your spirit with negative thoughts, gossip, bitterness, anger, stress... He loves you so much. Love Him back by getting rid of these things!

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Another step to overcoming bitterness is setting boundaries. 

Grace Power Strength Blog states, "Angry, bitter, resentful, stressed out, physically maxed out, emotionally drained... all signs you are dealing with someone toxic but also where boundaries do not exist or have been overstepped. Chaos breeds where boundaries are absent." 

Sweatpants and Coffee states, "Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends."

We must know our worth-- and we must know what is worth truly getting upset about and what isn't. 

We teach people how to treat us.
What you accept is what will continue.

Separating yourself from toxic individuals or creating boundaries for others and what you will tolerate is not bitterness---- continually putting yourself in situations with these individuals and continually taking their insults, terrible words, etc. WILL CAUSE BITTERNESS.

We must set boundaries.
What will you tolerate?
What will allow to be done to you?

And when someone over steps those lines....

pray for them.
pray for the situation.
remove yourself from circumstances that involve them.
forgive them.
move on from feelings tied to the situation.

You do not have to have a relationship with someone--
but in separating yourself, you shouldn't have bitterness either.

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"Dear God, I keep becoming more and more bitter. My anger and frustrations keep building up inside of me. I know life is not always fair and everyone has trials and tribulations along the way, but I can't find my way out of this jumbled mess... I need you to fill me with peace and soften my heart to make me whole again. " (Karen Kastyla)

I love you all today.