Week 8 Bible Study: Godly Parenting

2 Timothy 3:15-17 says, "You have known the Holy Scriptures[a] since you were a child. These Scriptures are able to make you wise. And that wisdom leads to salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is given by God. And all Scripture is useful for teaching and for showing people what is wrong in their lives. It is useful for correcting faults and teaching the right way to live. Using the Scriptures, those who serve God will be prepared and will have everything they need to do every good work." (ERV)

This verse is wonderful because it shows that we can learn so much from the Word of God, but we have to humble ourselves enough to accept what it is trying to teach us and reveal to us. 

"The sign of great parenting is not the child's behavior. The sign of great parenting is the parent's behavior." (Andy Smithson) 

We then went around the room and discussed what we feel like we need to work on as parents. 

The first thing we discussed was being a Co-Parent as this is a journey many have to take in today's world. We even reflected on the fact that we are all co-parents, even if we are married to our parenting partner. We must be careful to be respectful of our partner-- whether we are married or separated. 

We found some great quotes surrounding this topic:

1. 

PARALLEL PARENTING: minimal communication, little to no consistency between homes, may be used in high conflict situations, little to no flexibility for children 

COOPERATIVE PARENTING: regular communication, consistency between homes, parents work together to raise children, flexibility for children and parents

2. 

"Your children are watching you very, very closely. Showing your children that you can respect each other and resolve conflict respectfully will give them a good foundation for the conflict that arises in their own lives. Do your best to remain relaxed and focused, use a calm tone of voice, and a concerned facial expression when tensions rise." 

3. 

"Co-parenting is not a competition. It's a collaboration of two homes working together with the best interest of the child at heart. Work for your kids, not against them."

4. 

"Who cares if another woman or man loves your child, plays with your child, or builds a healthy relationship with your child--- either way your child is benefiting. Did you read that?? YOUR CHILD IS BENEFITING. That's what's important- nothing else." [Jessica James]

5. 

"A step-parent doesn't just marry a spouse: they marry their spouse's entire situation. They have to fin a balance between supporting and defending without overstepping visible and invisible boundaries." 

6.

"A narcissist will never co-parent with you. They will counter parent. They don't care about the emotional damage that the constant drama inflicts upon the children as long as it causes emotional drama to you." [A. Price]

7.

The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.

8.

What kind of co-parent are you?

SUPPORTIVE: speak positively about coparent in front of child, encourage child to spend time with co-parent, respectful of co-parent and their time with child

DESTRUCTIVE- Speak negatively about co-parent in front of child, discourage time with co-parent and put them down, sabotage time with child by calling obsessively and being disruptive

9.

It is sad how many parents put their revenge agendas ahead of their child's well-being. Kids deserve as many people loving them as possible-- without being made to feel guilty about it. [Jenna Korf]


Even if we are married, we must be sure that we are not tearing down our parenting partner in front of our children. Respect them at all times. 
Next, we discussed ways to PRAY for our children.

1. We can pray for their SALVATION: Pray for a heart of repentance as they grow and for the Holy Spirit to fill them and permeate their life. Salvation is a promise available to you and your children according to Acts 2:38-39 (Peter said to them, “Change your hearts and lives and be baptized, each one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ. Then God will forgive your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. This promise is for you. It is also for your children and for the people who are far away. It is for everyone the Lord our God calls to himself.”)

2. We can pray for a LOVE FOR THE WORD: Pray for them to have a deep love for the Word of God. May they delight in it and meditate on it day and night. May they find it more precious than gold and sweeter than honey as Psalms 19:10 says, "His teachings are worth more than pure gold. They are sweeter than the best honey dripping from the honeycomb."

3. We can pray for PROTECTION: Pray for protection in their body as well as in their mind. Pray for protection online and from impure images on social media, the web, books, and magazines. Read 2 Thessalonians 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful. He will give you strength and protect you from the Evil One."

4. We can pray for DIRECTION: Pray their steps are ordered by the Lord, He directs and guides them, they have a heart for the things of God, and they seek His direction as they make choices on their own. Read Psalms 37:23- The Lord shows us how we should live, and he is pleased when he sees people living that way.

5. We can pray for THANKFULNESS: Pray a prayer of thankfulness for the children He has given you, and let your children hear you express gratitude for them. Read 1 Samuel 1:27-  I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer. He gave me this child. (LIKEABUBBLINGBROOK.COM)

"The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice."

We also discussed 7 suggestions for raising your children God's way:

1. Build your faith into everyday moments. (Deuteronomy 6:7- Be sure to teach them to your children. Talk about these commands when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road. Talk about them when you lie down and when you get up.)

2. Bring every matter back to the condition of your child's heart. (Proverbs 4:23- Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life.

3. Model a life of relationship with Christ. Titus 2:7- You should be an example for them in every way by the good things you do. When you teach, be honest and serious.

4. Pray with your children. Luke 18:1- Then Jesus taught the followers that they should always pray and never lose hope. He used this story to teach them:

5. Study His Word with your children. 3 John 4- It always gives me the greatest joy when I hear that my children are following the way of truth.

6. Worship Jesus with all your heart. Psalms 66:4- Let the whole world worship you. Let everyone sing praises to your name.

7. Listen to Him. John 10:27- My sheep listen to my voice. I know them, and they follow me.



The next thing we discussed was being a PATIENT parent and how we sometimes struggle with that.

Ephesians 4:1-2 says, "So, as a prisoner for the Lord, I beg you to live the way God’s people should live, because he chose you to be his. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient and accept each other with love."

"A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret."

Patience is one of the fruits of the spirit-- it should be something we seek every single day, especially when it comes to our children.

"When the milk is splattered all over the floor, and those little eyes are looking at you for your reaction, remember what really matters. It takes 5 minutes to clean up spilled milk. It takes much longer to clean up a broken spirit." [Rebecca Eanes]

"Anger will happen. Frustration will come. But how we handle ourselves is up to us. What is the best for your child? A mother who controls herself. What is even better for a child? A mother who turns to God to ask Him to help her control herself more." [Tricia Goyer]


The next thing we discussed was creating a POSITIVE home life.

It is our duty to create a positive home life for our children and our husbands. 

Think about your own life growing up. Some might have had a peaceful upbringing and that is something to be thankful for and reflect. Some might have had a negative, stressful home life. And that is something to learn from. Which do you want for your children?

Becoming a positive mother (according to LivingAndLifeDesigned)

1. Praise and encouragement.

Children connect with you when they're encouraged with compliments, constructive praise, and feedback. They shut down when their abilities are criticized and they are not commended for hard work/job well done.

2. Show them your love.

It is important to show affection to children even they have done something wrong. This reinforces unconditional love.

3. Stop negative talk.

Words like stupid, fat, ugly, and dumb should have no place in your home whether they're being spoken about you or someone else. Our homes should be a safe haven for our children.

4. Set a good example.

Children learn from their parents how to act, treat others, talk to themselves... have you heard your children say something devastating and you think "They've heard me say that before..." We need to be a positive example, Mommas.

5. Spend time together.

The best and most effective way to build children up and show them that their home is a safe and loving place is through spending quality time together.


Next, we discussed how to be HAPPY moms!

Happy Mommas:

1. Take time for themselves
2. Encourage their children to be kind
3. They do things that make them feel happy without feeling guilty- you can't fill from an empty vessel
4. They leave dirty dishes in the sink sometimes (don't feel guilty about relaxing after dinner)
5. They pray- this gives them a better attitude and brings more positive energy
6. They strive with being authentic-- they don't spend time comparing themselves to other moms
7. They yell less
8. They invest time in their marriages


"Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?" [Jane Nelson]

"Our children are watching how we live far more than they are hearing what we say. They are learning how to live by our choices, not our words." [L.R. Knost]

"I know how hard it is and that you're frustrated, but you have to remember that a mom sets the tone for her household. The mood of your family will ultimately reflect your own. If you're crabby, chances are they will be too!" [Living Well, Spending Less]

"A great way to set your mood is through reading the Word of God and worshipping as soon as you get up." [Time with God]

Here are 9 other ideas on how to create a home of warmth and grace [by "The Better Mom" blog]

1. Get rest
2. Simplify schedules. (allow margins of rest, fun, and togetherness so you aren't burnt out from running)
3. Clutter busting. (pick up through the day so your home doesn't overwhelm you later)
4. Give up perfection. (Don't put too high expectations on yourself.)
5. Meal plan (when you know what's for dinner everyday it brings less stress-lowers panic mode)
6. Have "Mom Time Out" (go to your bedroom and read, take a bath, shop, go on a date with your significant other, do a hobby)
7. Play music (This can help your children calm down, lighten the mood, enhance fun)
8. Give grace for limitations (communicate with your children and husband when you are feeling well, tired, etc.)
9. Scripture memory (memorize scriptures as a family, with your children, or by yourself. Use these to combat an angry spirit.)

We hope you enjoyed our weekly Bible study! I think this helped all of us in areas that we are currently struggling!

Next week we will be discussing jealousy!

God bless! 

Week 7 Bible Study: What is Your Purpose?

Week 7 of our Bible Study focused on Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope." (AMP)

another version states

"I say this because I know what I have planned for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you. I don’t plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future." (ICB)

Ashly read a great article to start off Bible Study. If you would like to read it on your time, you can read it HERE. It was perfect for our discussion today! 

The next thing we discussed was the definition of PURPOSE.

The dictionary states 'purpose' is: the reason for which something exists or is done, made, or used. The goal of something.

What is the reason we exist? That seems to be an ongoing question for most humans...

We discussed a few quotes about purpose:

"Purpose is where your deep gladness meets the world's needs." (Fredrick Buechner)

There's something in you that the world needs.

"When you realize God's purpose for your life isn't just about you, He will use you in a mighty way." (Dr. Tony Evans)

"Don't worry about trying to find your life purpose. Instead, start by acting on the small things that excite you each day. These are the threads that will connect you with your path, passion, and purpose in life." (Ruben Chavez)

We then asked the question--- what excites you each day?

It was interesting to go around the room and hear what each woman in Bible study looks forward every day. We talked about who we are outside of being mothers and wives. What we look forward to on a day to day basis....

What excites you every day?
What is something you lose track doing?
What do you daydream about?

God has a purpose for all of us-- and He says it over and over again in His Word.

Ephesians 1:11- In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: (KJV)

The purpose of HIM. 

1 Timothy 1:9- Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began, (KJV)

He has called us according to His purpose.

We were all designed with a purpose- and God gives us clues and hints along the way as to what that purpose is. Do you light up inside when you talk about something? Could you do one certain thing without even getting paid for it? 

We have to dig deep to discover our purpose.

What sets your soul on fire?

Week 6 Bible Study: If we want our relationships to change, it starts with us.

The discussion this week was: godly relationships.

I feel like it was a tougher topic to discuss-- especially for me. I felt a lot of conviction during the studies. Conviction where I had to stop reading... and come back later.

Being a godly spouse is an area I struggle with-- pushing my pride and stubbornness aside. It isn't easy for me. I get defensive. I get a little arrogant.  I get judgmental.

And I'm sure it breaks God's heart because after an argument-- after my human nature rears it's ugly head--- it breaks my heart too.

Bible Verses

Here are some Bible verses we discussed this week concerning this topic:

1 Corinthians 7:1-16

Now to the topics you raised in your last letter. Some have said, “It is better for a man to abstain from having sex with his wife.” Well, I disagree. Because of our tendency to embrace immoralities, each man should feel free to join together in sexual intimacy with his own wife, and each woman should join with her own husband. Husbands and wives have reciprocal duties. Each husband has the responsibility to meet his wife’s sexual desires, and each wife should do the same for her husband. In marriage neither the husband nor the wife should act as if his or her body is private property—your bodies now belong to one another, and together they are whole. So do not withhold sex from one another, unless both of you have agreed to devote a certain period of time to prayer. When the agreed time is over, come together again so that Satan will not tempt you when you are short on self-control. I am trying to encourage you and give you some wise counsel, so don’t take this advice as a command. I wish that all of you could live as I do, unmarried. But the truth is all people are different, each gifted by God in various and dissimilar ways. To those who are unmarried or widowed, here’s my advice: it is a good thing to stay single as I do. If they do not have self-control, they should go ahead and get married. It is much better to marry than to be obsessed by sexual urges.

To those who are married, here’s my command (to be clear, this isn’t merely my opinion; it comes from the teaching of the Lord Jesus): it is not right for a wife to leave her husband. If she does, she must either remain single or reconcile with her husband, but she should not marry someone else. Likewise, the husband should not divorce his wife.

To everyone else, here’s my counsel (this is not a direct command from the Lord; it is my opinion): if a brother has a wife who does not believe Jesus’ teachings and the truth of His resurrection, he is to stay with her as long as she is willing to live with him. The same is true for any sister; you should not leave your husband even if he has no allegiance to Jesus. Here’s the reason: An unbelieving husband is consecrated by that union—touched by the grace of God through his believing wife—and the same is true when the husband is a man of faith and he’s wed to an unbelieving wife. His wife is consecrated through their union. If this weren’t so, your children wouldn’t be pure; but as it is when faith enters in, God sets apart these children to be used uniquely for His purposes. If the unbelieving spouse decides the marriage is over, then let him or her go; the believing partner is freed from the marital vows because God has called you to peace. Remember that anything is possible, so the life you lead and the love you show under this strain may be what finally liberates your partner.

---- During these verses, we discussed intimacy and how it is not healthy for us to withhold sex from our husbands (and it is not healthy for our husbands to withhold sex from us either.) We have reciprocal duties. Sexual urges can be strong. It is unhealthy to leave our husbands (and husbands it is unhealthy to leave your wives) burning with those sexual urges. We must take care of them in the home.

---- We also talked about being 'unequally yoked' in marriage with a husband that does not believe or does not share the same faith. Paul writes that the husband is sanctified through our marriage. We must stay strong in Jesus Christ, be an example to Him, follow the Word of God, and pray consistently for our relationships. God doesn't want us to leave our husbands just because He doesn't believe as we do-- He wants us to believe stronger... pray harder.. and be the best example we can be for our husband.

Ephesians 5:22-25: Wives, it should be no different with your husbands. Submit to them as you do to the Lord,  for God has given husbands a sacred duty to lead as the Anointed leads the church and serves as the head. (The church is His body; He is her Savior.) So wives should submit to their husbands, respectfully, in all things, just as the church yields to the Anointed One. Husbands, you must love your wives so deeply, purely, and sacrificially that we can understand it only when we compare it to the love the Anointed One has for His bride, the church. We know He gave Himself up completely to make her His own, washing her clean of all her impurity with water and the powerful presence of His word.

--- After these verses, we talked about submission. We will get into a little more of our discussion after the Bible verses. But we talked a lot about how submission is respect from both sides. God does not only call wives to submission, but in these same verses he instructs husbands to love their wives deeply, purely, and sacrificially. Submission, love, and respect should come from both sides of the relationship.

Titus 2:3-5: And here’s what I want you to teach the older women: Be respectful. Steer clear of gossip or drinking too much so that you can teach what is good to young women. Be a positive example, showing them what it is to love their husbands and children, and teaching them to control themselves in every way and to be pure. Train them to manage the household, to be kind, and to be submissive to their husbands, all of which honor the word of God.

---- In Titus chapter 2, Paul writes about the characteristics what a godly woman looks like... how she acts.. what she values. 

She is respectful and lives in a way that pleases the Lord.
She steers clear of gossip and saying bad things about others.
She doesn't drink excessively.
She is a teacher of good things.
She is a positive example.
She teaches others how to love their husbands.
She teaches others how to love their children.
She controls herself in every way.
She is wise.
She is pure.
She is a great keeper at home.
She is good.
She is kind.
She is obedient to her husband.

All of these honor the Word of God.

I know these may all seem attainable, but I believe God is wanting us to STRIVE to be better people-- not PERFECT people.

--- Proverbs 31:10- Who can find a truly excellent woman? One who is superior in all that she is and all that she does? Her worth far exceeds that of rubies and expensive jewelry.

If you want to read about a woman striving to be a better spouse and a better mother, this is the chapter to read. We recommend reading it in various versions because you'll get the entire meaning behind the verses. An excellent woman is worth more than rubies and jewelry. Think about your worth ladies.

---- 1 Peter 3:1-2: " In the same way, wives, you should patiently accept the authority of your husbands. This is so that even if they don’t obey God’s word, as they observe your pure respectful behavior, they may be persuaded without a word by the way you live."

We talked about how we don't need to lecture our husbands-- our lifestyles should speak more than our words. Nagging.. lecturing.. it can cause a wall to be built between us and our spouses. It isn't healthy. God is asking us to live a life of pure, respectful behavior------ this way our husbands can be persuaded just by how we live. How we live means-- how we act when things are at peace in our home and how we act during an argument. What are we reflecting to our husbands?

---- Colossians 3:18-19: "Wives: be submitted to your husbands as is appropriate in the Lord. Husbands: love your wives, and don’t treat them harshly or respond with bitterness toward them."

These words always go hand in hand. Wives- submit to your husbands. Husbands-- love your wives and remove the bitterness (if you have any towards them.)

We discussed how bitterness in a relationship is a threat-- a threat to everything you could be. Pray for forgiveness if you need it. Pray for a release from bitterness if you need it. Don't let it suffocate your marriage. 

Submission.

We also talked about what submission IS and what submission ISN'T.

According to an article entitled, Six Things Submission Is Not, we read:

1. Submission is not agreeing on everything. 

2. Submission does not mean that you leave your brain at the altar.
3. Submission does not mean that you  do not try and influence your husband.

4. Submission is not putting the will of your husband before the will of Christ.

5. Submission does not mean we get all of our spiritual strength through our husbands.

6. Submission does not mean acting or living in fear of our husbands.

To read more about each of these categories, click the link above! Great information here.

We then discussed what submission IS.

We read an article entitled, Submitting to Your Husband: The Basics. She wrote 'to me, submission means:'

1. respecting my husband's desire to lead our family
2. and allowing my husband to do so.
3. Sometimes asking permission for things that normally I would do without a second thought

4. Praying for him when he struggles to lead our family

5. and praying for myself when I am struggling to let him lead

6. Acting in modesty in every day life

7. thinking of his needs before my own

8. making the choice to make intimacy a priority

9. Seeking unity with him over individuality

10. not criticizing him/speaking badly about him to others

11. encouraging him and uplifting him

Ashly shared a great quote as well. It said, "The closer we move toward God, the closer we move toward each other." 

Another quote shared was, "If you want a relationship that looks and feels like the most amazing thing on earth, you need to treat it like the most amazing thing on earth."

We then talked about what happens if we have husbands that are not stepping up to be a spiritual leader (in our opinion) in our homes. There was a great article we read entitled, "How to Respond When Your Husband is Not a Spiritual Leader."  It is a great read! Here is a little bit of the information we discussed:

1. Get rid of your image of a spiritual leader. 

-- He doesn't have to sit at the dinner table every night reading a devotional. People all relate to God in different ways. One person wants to read the Bible 45 minutes a day, but others need a walk in the woods to meditate with Jesus Christ. Some help others as their form of 'worship.' Not everyone is a sit down and pray kind of person and that's okay.

2. Men thrive on appreciation.

--- Can you appreciate what your husband does do and praise him for that? What would happen if we stopped being so bitter towards our husbands for not all the things we expect a spiritual leader to do and start seeing what he does do?

3. Be responsible for yourself.

---- If you're husband isn't interested in joining a bible study and growing more in his faith (at least that's how you see it).... that doesn't mean you shouldn't. A spiritual leader means he sets the tone for the family and that ultimately he is responsible before God for the spiritual condition of his family. It doesn't mean if you've memorized more verses than he has, your family is out of God's design.

4. Be responsible for your children.

--- Teaching about Jesus is not strictly a dad's role. We do a disservice to our children when we sit back and get frustrated he isn't taking on that role! What if your husband is showing your children what it means to be loyal, faithful, and a hard worker? But we are so focused on the fact he isn't reading them Bible stories that we miss it.

5. Pray for him.

--- Chase God for yourself and seek Him with all your heart. And maybe for a second, stop praying that God will make your husband more of a spiritual leader and just pray that God will bless your husband. Let go of the ideal of what we think his relationship with God should look like--- you may find your marriage gets a lot easier!

After this, Ashly ended our bible study by reading 20 little things we can do to make a difference in our marriage that she found on Pinterest.

1. greet him warmly

2. offer a kind word

3. give thanks

4. speak the truth

5. look at the bright side

6. shrug off small annoyances (this is a tough spot for me! need to hear it!)

7. snuggle together

8. serve cheerfully

9. pray for each other

10. listen carefully

11. apologize humbly

12. kiss on the lips

13. laugh at his jokes

14. give a soft answer

15. step away together

16. smile at him

17. forgive fully

18. spend time together

19. build him up

20. decide you are going to love each other

We discussed that bottom line------- our relationships are not going to change, they will not get better, they will not see the fulfillment of Christ if we are not working at it. Marriage and relationships take work. It takes a positive mindset. It takes us thinking about it thoroughly and completely. It takes hard work and dedication.

If we want our marriages to change.... it all starts with us. Our attitudes, our words, our actions.

God bless you all!