Bitterness.

Bitterness.

The dictionary describes it as, "resentful or cynical; causing pain; piercing; stinging; characterized by intense antagonism or hostility."

To break this down even further-

resentful means: "the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc. regarded as causing injury or insult."

cynical means: "distrusting or disparaging (to speak or treat slightingly, depreciate, belittle) the motives of others." 

antagonism means: "active hostility or opposition"

and hostility means: "not friendly, warm, or generous."

So, bitterness means: the feeling of displeasure at some act, remark, person; speaking or treating others slightingly (derogatory or belittling); active feelings that do not consist of being friendly, warm, or generous.

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For a second, I want to share a few quotes about bitterness. These quotes spoke to me-- actually, they spoke to me so much that I decided to make signs to hang up in my room about them. I struggle with bitterness--- and I'm sick of it.


"Bitterness and love cannot live together in the same heart. Each day, we must decide which one gets to stay." (Dave Willis)

"The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it." 

"We need to stop making what people did to us bigger than what Jesus did for us." (Christine Caine)

"Bitterness is a result of clinging to negative experiences. It serves you no good and closes the door to your future." (Leon Brown)

"I learned the hard way not to vent to others. Write it down. Throw it out. Tell God. Keep it to yourself."

"You either get bitter or you get better. It's that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you." (Josh Shipp)

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While surfing Pinterest, I also came across a GREAT blog about "8 Steps to Overcoming Bitterness." 

How many of you out there are struggling with bitterness right now? Towards a person? An event? God? I know I am (which is why I felt the pull to blog today!) Bitterness will eventually end up eating us alive--- it will tear our soul to pieces, destroy that beautiful heart God Almighty gave us. 

We often think we are justified in our bitterness. We want to punish the person that hurt us. And we will take that revenge in whatever way we can get it. Either by doing the same thing they did to us or by not speaking to them---- they are going to feel our hurt. That's the mindset we get when we let bitterness begin to take control.

However--- there are ways to overcome these feelings and ways to stop letting bitterness (and these kind of emotions) from taking control.

1. Trust God to use the situation for good. 

Romans 8:28 says, "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. These are the people God chose, because that was his plan."

Whatever the situation is or was.. we have to remember that we are the children of God Almighty and He will take that awful situation (whatever was done to you.. whatever was said to you) and turn it in to good FOR YOU. This requires trust-- not getting even, not seeking revenge. TRUST.

2. Put your hope in God ALONE. Do not put your hope in circumstances or earthly justice.

Psalms 62:1-5 states, "I must calm down and turn to God; only he can rescue me. He is my Rock, the only one who can save me. He is my high place of safety, where no army can defeat me. How long will you people attack me? Do you all want to kill me. I am like a leaning wall like a fence ready to fall. You want only to destroy me, to bring me down from my important position. It makes you happy to tell lies about me.  In public, you say nice things but in private, you curse me.Selah I must calm down and turn to God he is my only hope.

We must turn to God- He is our only hope. Only He can rescue us! Circumstances are going to fail us. People are going to fail us. He will not.

3. Focus on the GOOD in your life-- get away from the negative!

Philippians 4:8 states, "Brothers and sisters, continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected."


My former pastor used to say "get out of that stinkin' thinkin'!" And that is the truth. If we are constantly filling our minds with negativity- gossip, talking bad about others, discouraging music, etc-- that is going to be what flows out of our hearts and mouths. Fill your life with good things--- good conversations, good people, good movies, good TV shows, good music, good role models... 

4. When unproductive thoughts overtake you, pray for your offender. And if God prompts you to bless your offender in some tangible way, obey Him.

Romans 12:14, 17-21- "Wish only good for those who treat you badly. Ask God to bless them, not curse them. f someone does you wrong, don’t try to pay them back by hurting them. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. Do the best you can to live in peace with everyone. My friends, don’t try to punish anyone who does wrong to you. Wait for God to punish them with his anger. In the Scriptures the Lord say, “I am the one who punishes  I will pay people back.” But you should do this: “If you have enemies who are hungry, give them something to eat. If you have enemies who are thirsty, give them something to drink, In doing this you will make them feel ashamed. Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good."

God doesn't want you to be involved in the revenge game! It isn't healthy-- and only leads to more revenge, more bitterness... it only escalates. Let HIM handle the people who hurt you. You go on and pray for them- give them food if they're hungry- give them drink if they're thirsty. We are not called to pay evil, evil-- we are called to defeat evil WITH GOOD.

5. Refuse false blame from Satan.

 1 Peter 5:8-9: "Control yourselves and be careful! The devil is your enemy, and he goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to attack and eat. Refuse to follow the devil. Stand strong in your faith. You know that your brothers and sisters all over the world are having the same sufferings that you have." 

Just remember one thing: we are all humans! Do not fall into the tricks of the enemy. He wants nothing more than to stir up trouble and every single we give into that-- we are following along with his plan, not the plan of God! If there is confusion and chaos, remember: this isn't of God. 1 Corinthians 14:33 states, "God is not a God of confusion but a God of peace. This is the rule for all the meetings of God’s people." 

6. Listen carefully to God's conviction and genuinely repent of any sinful attitudes or actions you have, no matter how the small comparison to your offender. 

1 John 1:9- "But if we confess our sins, God will forgive us. We can trust God to do this. He always does what is right. He will make us clean from all the wrong things we have done."

Confessing our sins and turning from that awful attitude is the only way to go. He can clean our hearts out and make us right in His sight. Even if we think what the other person did was SO much worse-- it doesn't excuse bad attitudes or sinful behavior on our part.

7. Release all bitterness by the power of God's Spirit because you cannot do it on your own. 

Ephesians 3:20-21- " With God’s power working in us, he can do much, much more than anything we can ask or think of. 21 To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus for all time, forever and ever. Amen." 

Philippians 4:13- "Christ is the one who gives me the strength I need to do whatever I must do."

We cannot overcome our human nature alone. It isn't possible. Emotions have such a pull on us. We can only overcome bitterness by turning over these emotions and subjecting them to His Holy Spirit. This is just saying things like, 'Jesus, I can't do this without You! Rid me of the evil within me, please! Rid me of the hurt. Wash me clean. Help me get this bitterness under control, Lord. It might have hurt me, but I know You can take any circumstance and work it out for my good!" Give it over to Him....

8. Remind yourself that you are doing these things because you love Christ and owe Him your life.

1 Corinthians 6:20 says, "God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body." 

Honor God with your body and your spirit. He blessed you with both which means he doesn't want unhealthy spirits present in your life. He doesn't want you filling your spirit with negative thoughts, gossip, bitterness, anger, stress... He loves you so much. Love Him back by getting rid of these things!

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Another step to overcoming bitterness is setting boundaries. 

Grace Power Strength Blog states, "Angry, bitter, resentful, stressed out, physically maxed out, emotionally drained... all signs you are dealing with someone toxic but also where boundaries do not exist or have been overstepped. Chaos breeds where boundaries are absent." 

Sweatpants and Coffee states, "Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends."

We must know our worth-- and we must know what is worth truly getting upset about and what isn't. 

We teach people how to treat us.
What you accept is what will continue.

Separating yourself from toxic individuals or creating boundaries for others and what you will tolerate is not bitterness---- continually putting yourself in situations with these individuals and continually taking their insults, terrible words, etc. WILL CAUSE BITTERNESS.

We must set boundaries.
What will you tolerate?
What will allow to be done to you?

And when someone over steps those lines....

pray for them.
pray for the situation.
remove yourself from circumstances that involve them.
forgive them.
move on from feelings tied to the situation.

You do not have to have a relationship with someone--
but in separating yourself, you shouldn't have bitterness either.

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"Dear God, I keep becoming more and more bitter. My anger and frustrations keep building up inside of me. I know life is not always fair and everyone has trials and tribulations along the way, but I can't find my way out of this jumbled mess... I need you to fill me with peace and soften my heart to make me whole again. " (Karen Kastyla)

I love you all today. 

"I judge people... sometimes before I even know them."

The journal prompt today was: What is one Bible verse that is difficult for you to apply to your life?

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Luke 6:37 says, "If you don’t want to be judged, don’t judge. If you don’t want to be condemned, don’t condemn. If you want to be forgiven, forgive." (The Voice)

And I feel like this is where my struggle is.

I judge people... sometimes before I even know them.

I judge their motives.
I judge their actions.
I judge their words.
I judge their situations.

And half the time-- I don't even know the person that well.
And honestly-- even if I do know the person, it doesn't mean I understand their heart or know what takes place in the secret part of their life.

According to the dictionary, 'judge' means: "a person qualified to pass a critical judgment....."

And well, considering the mess I've made of my life over the past few years, I would say that I'm not anywhere near qualified to judge the motives, actions, words, and situations of others.

Matthew 7:1-2 states, "If you judge other people, then you will find that you, too, are being judged. Indeed, you will be judged by the very standards to which you hold other people."

Ouch.

You will be judged by the standards to which you hold other people----

what are we saying about others?
what are we gossiping about when it comes to their motives?
how little mercy are we giving to them?
are we speaking with any compassion at all?

Because we will be held to that same standard.

Quite frankly, I don't want anyone speaking ill about the mess I made of my life recently--- because no one truly understands the condition of my heart.

So why on earth do I put that condemnation on others when they could be going through the same things I have been?

Mother Teresa said, 'If you judge others you have no time to love them' and how true is this?

If condemnation and judgment fill our hearts... where is there room for love? for patience? for compassion? for empathy? for prayer? for the goodness of Christ?

Another quote I read states, "Do not judge. You don't know what storm I've asked them to go through..."

Difficult moments. Struggles. Trials.

We all face them and we all deal with them differently.

We don't know what brokenness fills their life........

Prayer.

Love.

Peace.

Faith.

Goodness.

Those heal brokenness.

Judgment.

Condemnation.

Guilt.

Bitterness.

Hostility.

Those continue to destroy.

What are we doing to our fellow man today?

Have you ever heard the song 'Help Me' by Cortt Chavis? In this song, he talks about various circumstances that some people face:

- I'm the man on the street holding a sign, I know what it says, but look in my eyes. I need more than money.

Will you pray for me? Will you speak to me? Be moved by compassion for me. Help me, I'm falling. Does anyone hear me calling out? I'm calling out for help. I'm in too deep to save myself or I'd save myself oh I need, someone to help me.

- I'm the lawyer you met in the coffee shop, I know I seem fine, but really I'm not. My life is crashing.

- I'm the city you drive through on your way to work,can't you hear my streets crying? full of pain and hurt. Send me a preacher.

Will you reach to me? Please preach to me. There's not much time. Help me, I'm falling. Does anyone hear me calling out? I'm calling out for help. I'm in too deep to save myself or I'd save myself oh I need, someone to help me.

Will you pray for me? Interceed for me? Reach down to me? Be God's hand for me? Preach it straight to me? Show God's Word to me? Fight hell for me? Save my city's streets? 

We need a healer.

This is the brokenness that's in the world today.

I've been there.

I've been that broken woman that has to pick up what's left of her life-- and believe me when I say this--

judgment and condemnation didn't save my soul.

Love, compassion, understanding, and prayer did.

The part that touches my soul every time I listen to this song is:

FIGHT HELL FOR ME.

How many of us use so much of our time judging the motives and situations of others and we completely avoid praying for that person? Fighting hell for that person? Encouraging that person to overcome the demons in their lives? Spending time with that person? Actually talking to that person?

How many of us hear a situation and immediately go and tell someone else--------- casting the person down with 'I can't believe she did that' or 'He's worthless.....'

How many of us hear a situation and immediately hit the floor-- shaking the depths of heaven for peace for that person? for healing for that person? for hope for that person?

Judgment steals from the person in the situation--- and let me tell you-- it steals from our souls too.

God is calling us to be loving and merciful.

Judgment destroys that.

This is one area I need to work on in my daily life---

starting today.

Try to Understand Each Other...

Today's journal prompt is: What is an inspirational quote you've read this week and what does it mean to you? 

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While reading 1 Peter this week, two verses felt like they stabbed me in the chest- I felt an overwhelming amount of conviction and as I studied them, I felt it even more. 

1 Peter 3:8 - "So all of you should live together in peace. Try to understand each other. Love each other like brothers and sisters. Be kind and humble." 

1 Peter 3:9- "Don’t do wrong to anyone to pay them back for doing wrong to you. Or don’t insult anyone to pay them back for insulting you. But ask God to bless them. Do this because you yourselves were chosen to receive a blessing." (ERV)

Live Together in Peace.

Peace, according to the dictionary, is described as, "a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, especially in personal relations, an agreement to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting or antagonism:"

Paul wrote that we are called to be at peace with each other meaning we are called to be in harmony with one another- we are called to agree to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting. 

Now, I don't believe Paul is asking us to be doormats here. I also don't believe he is asking us to be every single person's best friend. What he is asking for is that we push differences aside and plead the blood over bitterness. He is asking that we avoid those we cannot get along with- but hold no grudges. God is calling us to be friendly and civil. We can be cautious of other's motives without harboring anger, bitterness, and revenge in our hearts.

Try to understand each other.

I'll be honest- this one hit me like a ton of bricks.

OUCH.

How many times have we judged another's actions without truly understanding what is taking place in their lives?

I don't think Paul is saying everyone gets a 'free pass' to treat people how they want to but what I believe is-- trying to see life from both sides of the situation will be a blessing for us. If we can understand that this person might be having a bad day- they may be in an abusive relationship, their father may be in bad health with days to live, they may have been abandoned at a young age and still toil with the effects, they may be going through a miscarriage right now, they may be fighting internal demons we know nothing about----

Try to understand each other.

Try to see life from the other side.
Try to realize that our way isn't always the 'only way.'
Try to accept that we all have our own battles and those battles cause us to act in different ways sometimes.
Try to understand that this person may be a great person-- they're just going through a hard time right now.

Love each other like family.

Family holds a different kind of love.

You can get into arguments with your brother or sister and go back to loving them the next day. That's just how those kind of relationships work.

God is asking us to love others in this manner too.

Doesn't it seem easier to forgive your sibling than it does to forgive an acquaintance sometimes?

But God wants us to love and forgive everyone in this manner. 

Love them because God loves them. That's it-- He isn't asking us to judge the situation. He doesn't want us loving others based on how they treat us. He isn't asking us to contemplate whether they're deserving. He is just asking us to love them.

Be kind and humble.

Humble means, "not proud or arrogant; modest; courteously respectful." 

Kind means, "considerate or helpful; humane; mild; gentle."

God is asking us to push our pride aside and be respectful- gentle- considerate.

All of the elements in this verse tie together to reveal one thing: God wants us to shift our perspective.

We aren't going to get along with everyone. That's just how it is. I read a quote once that said:

"There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away. The battle they are fighting isn't with you, it is with themselves."

There are going to be some people in this world that just don't want to get along with others-- and that's their burden to carry. God is asking that we don't harbor bitterness- regardless of how the other person treats us. If we can't be around them, that's fine. He isn't asking us to force friendships or to be someone's punching bag in life. But He is asking that we be understanding of their internal struggle and not harbor anger.

We have to shift our perspective to understand that some people are hurting, have been hurt-- they act in a way that they probably don't understand half the time. We don't have to be their best friend, but we can pray for them. We can pray for their situation. We can pray that God blesses their hearts, their minds, their circumstances. 

Let Go of the Revenge Mentality.

I read a quote once that stated, "Before you embark as a journey of revenge, dig two graves." 

Revenge not only hurts the other person- it equally hurts your spirit. It lessens you. It steals from the person you are and can be.

Have you ever sought revenge against someone? Doesn't even have to be an elaborate plan.. just something that 'gets back at them' in some shape or form? Although it might feel good in the moment, chances are... guilt begins to creep up and lets be honest- guilt is no weight want to be carrying around. Someone once stated, "Guilt and health cannot coexist." That nauseous feeling. That pain inside. That burden. It will gradually make us physically ill. 

We have to let that mentality go.

Not just for the person we are seeking revenge against, but for our own souls. 

Ask God to Bless Them.

Luke 6:27-28 says, "If you’re listening, here’s My message: Keep loving your enemies no matter what they do. Keep doing good to those who hate you. Keep speaking blessings on those who curse you. Keep praying for those who mistreat you." (The Voice)

Why?

Because Luke 6:33-38 says, " So what if you do good to those who do good to you? Even scoundrels do that much! So what if you lend to people who are likely to repay you? Even scoundrels lend to scoundrels if they think they’ll be fully repaid. If you want to be extraordinary—love your enemies! Do good without restraint! Lend with abandon! Don’t expect anything in return! Then you’ll receive the truly great reward—you will be children of the Most High—for God is kind to the ungrateful and those who are wicked. So imitate God and be truly compassionate, the way your Father is. If you don’t want to be judged, don’t judge. If you don’t want to be condemned, don’t condemn. If you want to be forgiven, forgive. Don’t hold back—give freely, and you’ll have plenty poured back into your lap—a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, brimming over. You’ll receive in the same measure you give." (The Voice)

There's nothing extraordinary about doing good to the people who are good to you.

There's nothing extraordinary about giving to those that will 100% give back to you.

What is extraordinary-

loving your enemies.
loving those that hurt you.
doing good without the possibility of that person returning the goodness.
lending without the possibility of that person returning the favor.
not expecting anything in return.

This is where we will receive the reward.

Being kind to the ungrateful.
Being kind to the wicked.
Being compassionate.
Not judging others.
Not condemning others.
Forgiving others.

We will receive the measure we GIVE.

That's something to think about.


These verses jumped out at me-- and filled me with guilt. I needed that guilt for a minute. I needed it to stir my heart a little bit. I needed it to make me realize the error of my ways. I needed it for a sincere, honest, broken prayer.

And then I needed to repent for that guilt, repent for the person I've been, and ask God to help me fix things. Help me fix my heart. Help me to fix my attitude. Help me to fix my mind. Help me to quit judging others. Help me to quit holding grudges. Help me to stop seeking revenge, even if it is small. Help me from being argumentative and hard to get along with...

I had to ask Him to help me. 

FREEDOM.

FREEDOM.

The motive behind the events that took place on July 4, 1776. It was the desire of the colonies while signing the Declaration of Independence. 

Freedom is described as the "absence of subjection to foreign domination."

America found their freedom from England.

What do we need to find our freedom from today?
What foreign domination are we subjected to in our own personal lives?

If we are a slave to something-- we aren't free.

Galatians 5:1 says, "We have freedom now, because Christ made us free. So stand strong in that freedom. Don’t go back into slavery again." (ERV)

We have freedom in Christ. We have the ability to walk away from the things that bind us--- the key is-- we have to be willing to let them go AND LEAVE THEM.

I've been a slave before- I've been a slave to alcohol. I've been a slave to fear. And when I say I've been a slave, I mean I have been "a person entirely under the domination of some influence....."

I was under it's power.
And I was drowning it.

Do you know how it feels to be a slave to something? To NEED a drink of alcohol. To NOT go to an event because you're anxiety is so overwhelming. To HAVE to pull over to the side of the road to breathe because you're scared you're going to pass out due to fear.

I was a slave.

And no matter what I did- I was bound.

That is- until I gave my life completely over to Jesus Christ. I'll never forget the moment. The moment I was laying in bed and said 'Jesus, take it all because I'm tired and I can't do this anymore.' I felt a change inside. Something I'd never felt before. I promise, I've told Jesus to help me before BUT there was something different about that night. I don't know if it was desperation- the loss of almost everything- the seriousness of my situation--

but regardless, I felt a shift in my spirit.

Redemption.
Freedom.
Chains breaking.

Isaiah 61:1 says, "The Spirit of the Lord, the Eternal, is on me. The Lord has appointed me for a special purpose. He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to repair broken hearts. And to declare to those who are held captive and bound in prison, “Be free from your imprisonment!”"

I know some of you are sitting there today, wrapped in the chains of your captor. Whatever it is--- you feel stuck, lonely, oppressed-- like you can't breathe some days. It is overwhelming and frustrating. You want to be free-- you just don't know how.

I am telling you today-- be free from your imprisonment (because God died on that cross for this very reason!!!)

He died so you could loose the chains of sin!
He died so you could loose the chains of evil!
He died so you could loose the chains of fear!

Let them go today.

Today- I can breathe. I can rest. I'm not bound by having to have a drink before 10:30AM so I can be at peace. I'm not bound by staying home all day because my anxiety is too great to go do activities with my family.

I'M FREE.

And it is only through Jesus Christ.
It was only through my desperate spirit.
The overwhelming burden of my slavery.

Are you tired today?
Are you exhausted from Jesus not being in control of your life?
Are you worn out from the lack of peace in your life?
Are you struggling to sleep at night because of the bondage in your life?

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, "Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...." (The Voice)

He can give you rest.
He can give you redemption.
You can find freedom in Him.

Acts 2:21 says, "And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be liberated into God’s freedom and peace."

But here's the part God keeps reminding me: WE HAVE TO LET IT GO.

He isn't going to just take it from us-- He's a God that gives us free will. If we want to hold on to those fears-- those chains-- those burdens, He will let us. 

He WANTS to free us.
But He gives us that CHOICE.

The choice to release it.
The choice to let it go.
The choice to let Him set us FREE.

Do you want freedom today?

Freedom from a situation.
Freedom from sin.
Freedom from alcohol.
Freedom from impure thoughts.
Freedom from debt.
Freedom from pain.
Freedom from cigarettes.
Freedom from fear.
Freedom from anxiety.
Freedom from drugs.
Freedom from anger.
Freedom from bitterness.
Freedom from regret.

He can give it to you.
I promise.
I'm living proof.

Get desperate.
Cry out.
Release that bondage.
Pray.
Scream.
Get His attention.
Give it to Him.

His yoke is easy, His burden is light.

You can have FREEDOM today.

You can be free from oppression.
You can be free from a foreign domination.

What are you waiting for? 

FREEDOM is waiting.