In the book of Acts, we read about the apostle Paul and his mission to tell every single person about the joy and restoration that can be found in Jesus Christ. Most will remember that the apostle Paul was once Saul- a man who once slaughtered those that came in the name of Jesus, but found redemption and mercy on a road to Damascus. God changed the entire course of his life as well as the very nature of his heart. He had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ that allowed him to experience the beauty and boldness of the Holy Spirit.
In chapter 14, we read about where Paul is preaching in Iconium. The men and women gathered there began believing that the gods were now men and Paul quickly stated - I am just a man here preaching to you about turning to God! He made everything and wants a relationship with you. When He left, he made sure He left a witness of the good that He did while He was here.
That verse continues to work on my soul.
Acts 14:17-yet He did not leave Himself without some witness [as evidence of Himself], in that He kept constantly doing good things and showing you kindness, and giving you rains from heaven and productive seasons, filling your hearts with food and happiness.” (AMP)
Acts 14:17- And yet he left not himself without witness, in that he did good and gave you from heaven rains and fruitful seasons, filling your hearts with food and gladness. (ASV)
Acts 14:7- Nevertheless he left not himself without witness, in that he did good, and gave us rain from heaven, and fruitful seasons, filling our hearts with food and gladness. (AKJV)
In the Bible, a witness is described as "one who testifies by act or word to the truth." It is those who testify about Jesus Christ with their words, their life.
Jesus didn't die for our sins and rise again without leaving witnesses of the miracles and redemption He offers us. In the Bible, he used men and women that were simply willing vessels. They weren't perfect. They committed their fair share of mistakes. But they knew the love of God and they definitely knew and understood the mercy of God.
My only hope right now- in the midst of my brokenness and lack of deserving any type of grace- is that I can be a witness for Jesus Christ. That people will notice the changes in me that were caused by His mercy and compassion-- and they will turn to Him and His power.
I wish i could show all of you the dark place I was in. My close friends can attest to it. I was stuck in this pit. This pit of bitterness and strife and depression and anxiety and turmoil. And it had nothing to do with my family,my home, my friends... and it had everything to do with me. I was clinging to anything I could to heal this pain inside. This pain caused by hypochondria and anxiety. One glass of wine was enough, then it turned to two.. then there would be nights that I needed 4-5 glasses of wine to feel relaxed and at peace. I was becoming dependent on it to function- to feel good- to smile- to relax. Not only did I become dependent on alcohol but I also became dependent on my phone. I was on it constantly. I felt like I HAD to keep my attention on something-- Facebook, games, Instagram, Youtube. I didn't focus on my husband, my kids, my house. Everything was suffering because I was ONLY SURVIVING. There was zero living. Only trying to get through the day. How sad is that???? Just trying to get through the day when Jesus came for us to have LIFE and an ABUNDANCE of it!!!!
And then one night, I remember laying in bed and all that brokenness came pouring out of me. I knew I was meant for a life that reflected Him and every day I ran from it was only causing more misery and more pain. This might sound crazy to some of you, but I swear that night, I felt God changing my heart. He was releasing guilt. He was releasing pain. He was granting mercy. He was sending down grace and love... and everything within me changed! He gave me a craving for His Word, a craving for the quiet, still moments in the morning. He gave me peace in His promises--- that He won't leave me or forsake me!! When I feel that anxiety creeping up on me while I'm driving or out somewhere, one breath of His name.. one worship song.. one memory of a scripture.. He wraps those sweet arms around me and calms me. If you would have asked me one month ago if I would take all 3 of my kids in to Dollar General alone during the day by myself, I would have laughed at you and my breathing would have quickened just thinking about the anxiety. NOW????? His peace is strong in my life-- I don't even think about it!
And when I think about this stuff-- when I think about where I've been-- this is why I can't help but be a WITNESS of His peace!!! of His grace! His mercy! It is why I want to wrap my arms around every single person that struggles with anxiety, depression, and hypochondria and tell them that you can find peace in Jesus Christ. IT IS THERE. You don't have to drink to feel better.You don't have to take your blood pressure every day to rest in a peace of mind about your health.You don't have to feel alone. I am living, breathing proof of it. And I never thought i would be... but now, I want to be a witness of how AMAZING Jesus Christ is!!!
This is nothing of my own doing. I'm a mess on my own, trust me. I put my hope in so much stuff that had nothing to do with Jesus. Some days. I have to pray for the chains of guilt and shame to be washed away from my heart. But He always finds me there and meets me with undeserving mercy and grace. I'm nothing in this world, but i just hope that this blog of my thoughts and feelings can touch one person and remind them of His peace, mercy, grace, and compassion.I hope this blog can be used as a witness of all the good things He has put in my life... and a witness of all the bad He's taken away!!!
A witness.
That's all I want to be.
And then one night, I remember laying in bed and all that brokenness came pouring out of me. I knew I was meant for a life that reflected Him and every day I ran from it was only causing more misery and more pain. This might sound crazy to some of you, but I swear that night, I felt God changing my heart. He was releasing guilt. He was releasing pain. He was granting mercy. He was sending down grace and love... and everything within me changed! He gave me a craving for His Word, a craving for the quiet, still moments in the morning. He gave me peace in His promises--- that He won't leave me or forsake me!! When I feel that anxiety creeping up on me while I'm driving or out somewhere, one breath of His name.. one worship song.. one memory of a scripture.. He wraps those sweet arms around me and calms me. If you would have asked me one month ago if I would take all 3 of my kids in to Dollar General alone during the day by myself, I would have laughed at you and my breathing would have quickened just thinking about the anxiety. NOW????? His peace is strong in my life-- I don't even think about it!
And when I think about this stuff-- when I think about where I've been-- this is why I can't help but be a WITNESS of His peace!!! of His grace! His mercy! It is why I want to wrap my arms around every single person that struggles with anxiety, depression, and hypochondria and tell them that you can find peace in Jesus Christ. IT IS THERE. You don't have to drink to feel better.You don't have to take your blood pressure every day to rest in a peace of mind about your health.You don't have to feel alone. I am living, breathing proof of it. And I never thought i would be... but now, I want to be a witness of how AMAZING Jesus Christ is!!!
This is nothing of my own doing. I'm a mess on my own, trust me. I put my hope in so much stuff that had nothing to do with Jesus. Some days. I have to pray for the chains of guilt and shame to be washed away from my heart. But He always finds me there and meets me with undeserving mercy and grace. I'm nothing in this world, but i just hope that this blog of my thoughts and feelings can touch one person and remind them of His peace, mercy, grace, and compassion.I hope this blog can be used as a witness of all the good things He has put in my life... and a witness of all the bad He's taken away!!!
A witness.
That's all I want to be.
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